TODAY IN MEDIA OUTLETS YOU SHOULD NOT READThe chemicals between us.

There is another blog about Northwestern out there. The brainchild of a sex-starved Asian girl who went to Harvard, spread her ladyparts and never looked back, it is being not read by college students across the country. From time to time, we point out the differences between us.

What the fuck is going on over at OTR headquarters? They posted four times this morning, which is more than all of this week combined. Is Lena Chen cracking the whip? Why is pretty much every one written by 'wearyourshaydes'? Does anyone read this thing? Does anyone know?

DEATHWATCHBriefly: His Majesty's blog ne'er existed

Besieged by resignations, dogged by transparent p.r. masquerading as legitimate coverage and inundated with student complaints, Medill Dean John Lavine now gets his very own deathwatch.

Once upon a time in a crabby old building called Fisk, Medill Dean John Lavine decided to complement his sea change — excuse me "blow up" — of the curriculum by blogging about his decision-making. There were even periodic posts!

Anyways. I was going to write that it had been 100, 200, 500 days since his last post, but Medill now has no records of any such Dean's blog. Come on! It had that happy-go-lucky logo, that formal prose, those obsequious descriptions of meaningless changes. Stop trying to hoodwink me, Michele Bitoun.

BIZARRE LOGICThe Medill-White House Correspondents Association connection

So the White House Correspondents Association website is hosted on Medill servers. Weird, right?

But rather than point out that Medill is moving closer to the White House while everyone else is putting like 9,127 miles between themselves and the president, I decided to actually figure out what was going on. Yeah, so what follows is an unadulterated transcript of e-mails between me and Ellen Shearer (right), the webmaster (really?) of the WHCA's Medill-hosted site.

Peter -- happy to answer questions. But first, is this for a Daily article?

Why, would that change the nature of your answers? So, I said:

I'd never say never, but for now it's for my personal gratification and possibly for my blog. That said, it could contextualize Medill coverage. Even if you guys dreamed up MC Rove, I doubt anyone would deem it worthy of an article.

Thanks again.

Onwards. About ten minutes later, out came the claws:

Peter -- Karl Rove was a speaker at the Radio-Television dinner, not the WHCA dinner.

Medill coordinates judging of the WHCA awards. We also created and have hosted the Web site, but this fall it will be redesigned and moved off the Medill server so we only will be coordinating the awards judging.Medill coordinates judging of the WHCA awards. We also created and have hosted the Web site, but
this fall it will be redesigned and moved off the Medill server so we only will be coordinating the awards.

Like, who knew those were separate events? Anyways, that answered like one of the questions I originally posed. I guess prejudices aren't always off-base.

THE END NEARSH.M.S. Medill sinking faster than expected; D.C. ed quits, and it's nasty!

Behold the false prophet. Earlier this week, Dickson rather lazily noted the existence of the adoring Chicago Magazine profile this photo accompanies.

I interrupt this adoring profile — which, don't worry, we'll poke lots of holes in later — to return to the realm of real world, where it's the facts, not the rhetoric, that counts.

Which brings us to the as-yet-unrevealed departure of Medill's D.C. Newsroom director, Ron Cohen. He's leaving, effective immediately, and he's not going quietly into that good night. From his post on the United Press International listserv:

thanks for outpointing the chicago mag piece on medill. i can say without
hesitation that it fails completely to reflect the depth of the turmoil sweeping
both the journ school and many parts of northwestern as a whole. this guy is
going to ruin the franchise of a terrific journalism program, and i am certain
that yesterday was my last day affiliated with the washington semester -- my
strengths, teaching reporting and writing, are no longer of value in the dean's
overall scheme of things.

John Lavine, you are so screwed! Hmm, is it time to start the deathwatch? I do so love deathwatches, and what with a few more of these untidy adieus and perhaps even our lovably braindead president may take note.

Anyways. Medill will be making this public in...

TODAY IN MEDIA OUTLETS YOU SHOULD NOT READCollege OTR and the inevitable BYOB piece

There will come a time for the full story of how Dickson and I were enticed with a line of dildos in bespoke flavors and colors to write for CollegeOTR, the nationwide "on the record" college blog. [Ed.'s note: A gossipdesk-flavored phallus? Um, tasty?] For now, it is time to chronicle another media empire crumbling before its time.

Stop with the comparisons. Whatever passing resemblance we have to this upstart is moot. First it was making fun of freshmen facebook photos, which omg omg omg we would never do. But festooning your posts with retarded art to spice up your shitty copy? New lows, people, new lows.

So. The piece in question was penned, anonymously, by "willie el gato silvestre," which means Willie the Wildcat in Spanish. While some would write off any iota of his integrity and confidence from that alias alone, I will press on.


Which are Willie the Wildcats' favorite BYOBs? Let's guess, shall we? Could it be... yes! Cozy Noodles takes spot #1. What with such trailblazing penmanship Willie, I think I'll be reading CollegeOTR every day.

Moving on. #2 is Olive Mountain, which besides being, by all accounts, rather overpriced and mediocre, is allegedly a Northwestern professor's hangout. I wouldn't know, and I wouldn't want to drink around them.

Then things really fall off the precipice of retardation. In a struggle to fill out even this rather brief post, our Wildcat includes at #5 Green Tea. A gobbet:

"This is a sushi restaurant I haven't gotten to check out yet but I'm putting it on the list since I've been told they have the best sushi in Chicago."

And you thought this was about BYOBs! Silly reader, sushi is alcoholic. Wait, what?

5 Hip Places to BYOB [CollegeOTR]

YOU ARE SO FUCKEDMedill consults thesaurus, knows what you did at Time for Kids this summer

It's a sad consequence of our little cottage industry's ongoing transition that not even I bothered to read "john"'s e-mail about the new Medill integrity code. When you get to an explanatory sentence about Jayson Blair, totally unnecessary dependent clause here, what do you do? You stop reading. And you should.

Moving on. The new Integrity Code replaces what I believe was an Honor Pledge, which proves what Michele Bitoun lacks in cerebral matter she makes up for with thesaurus skills.

Surprise, though! There are substantive changes here. I am actually not joking. Now, whatever you do on your time away from Medill, be it p.r. or journalism (the days of those as separate words and not as a market-tested blanket phrase appear to be some time off as yet) will be subject to the code.

Well. This is all because some dumb bitch whose name no one remembers plaigarized a story in the Daily last Fall. This was not her fault! She wrote Devo.

O.K., anyway, everyone was having a Paula Abdul-on-crack reaction to this in Fisk, especially the freshmen. It was all like, Oooh, is she gonna get kicked out?

Now we have our answer! No word yet on whether it's retroactive, but if anyone remembers this girl's name, I will sooooo call her for a quote.

The other interesting thing here is that it applies to marketing. That's going to create a lot of rough situations, don't you think? Like, all those people who work at Mattel, what are they supposed to do when it turns out they totally lied about the safety of the products they market?! The ethical quandaries!!!

JOHN LAVINE, TAKE THAT OFFDispatch from California: An audience with His Majesty

So yesterday I had this e-repartee with a Los Angeles-based Medill alum, and it was kind of like, Yeah, Medill. What the hell is going on?

Good question! And we had the opportunity for great answers, as the Dean of the Medill School for Journalism was stopping in Los Angeles to meet with parents, alumni and what have you. Journalism people. Onwards.

A few hours after I sent her a blistering prep sheet, I received the following report back.

"I was not impressed by him.
He was wearing a necklace. Does he always? And a long-sleeved white linen shirt buttoned to the neck with long billowing sleeves buttoned at the cuff, but the tail out---a Midwesterner's notice of tropical attire who believes that Los Angeles is the tropics.
Is he gay?
He had that vibe.
He seemed very arrogant."

Hmm, is the dean gay? He once complemented me on a shirt. Perhaps this is a question for Dickson. Dude has the gaydar of Anne Hathaway.

Anyway. What do we think about the dean these days? I promise not to solicit your comments only to ignore, obfuscate and ridicule them! Now go.

WHAT IS... MASTURBATION?There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

Because I was newly invited to this blog, here's a retroactive post. Let's look back to July 20 when Medill unveiled Innovation 2020, an obvious name-borrow from intern autoerotica Ed2010; the only two differences being that the new Medill is for people who want to pay $40,000 to be unemployed and Ed2010 is for awkward girls from middle America who want to pay nothing and work at Vogue.

Innovation 2020 is, in fact, so innovative that Dean Lavine is posting the questions people write in. Just like a mid-90s message board, but without pedophilia. Here are two questions (of the mere six) that I was especially glad Dean Lavine posted... I've always wondered these things myself:

“(Your curricula are) very, very exciting.. .. (We are) evolving our 25-year advertising agency into a “real” integrated marketing organization. The single greatest challenge is finding people who get it. We are constantly on the lookout for people who do. Perhaps there are Medill IMC folks out there that can head up Client Services rather than those who “service accounts.” There is a huge difference, but it is very difficult to find people who understand that, much less do it. The same situation exists in converting heretofore separate entities such as Media, Public Relations, Database Management, Direct Marketing, Interactive into a cohesive “solution neutral” department. Today most of these departments are silos, and the world just doesn’t work like that. We have done a pretty good job of evolving this, but it’s a huge struggle finding people to manage the vision in each of these two crucial areas. … Thanks for doing what you’re doing."

“Wonderful news, Dean Lavine. Thanks for the commitment to take Medill to the next level!"

The new Medill is so innovative that Q&As don't even need to ask questions any more? And apparently, attribution is out too. Every other entry starts with "an alum says," but these dogged interrogations are anonymous.

Could someone at the school be writing in their own compliments? And if so, why isn't Lavine even responding to them? If Medill is going to masturbate while at work, they at least need to clean up after themselves.

Unless, of course, it's happening in the basement bathroom of Fisk.

THE NEW BLASPHEMY: ANALGod still losing to Daniel Radcliffe in sexual fanfiction wars.

"I want to do something special for this day," Muhammad said sultrily. "I know how we usually do it, and...this time, I want you to take me."

Jesus looked at him with wide eyes, uncertain. While there was no clear 'dominant' man in their union, the Messiah had always been the taken, rather than the taker." (From "Peace on Earth," by Slash Firestorm)

You can imagine where it goes from there. This is a family website?

Anyways. Daily alumna Elizabeth Gibson brings some truly original reporting to The Methods Reporter, the Medill grad students' really quite decent website. The prophets! They're gay! But, thankfully, stories involving Harry Potter outnumber religious pieces 136 to 1. (No mention of Voldemort, who would presumably blur the boundary between the two categories.)

I'd write more, but Ginny Weasley is giving me an erection I really can't ignore.

[Methods Reporter]

What is the Pope doing in our picture? And other vexing quandaries concerning freshmen video-blogging

d
While I really get a kick out of some of Intro to 21st Century marketing Steven K. Duke's e-mails, it's hard not to find this morning's all-class bulletin about two video-blogging students grating. First off, if I had made this video, I wouldn't want to expose to other freshmen. I might even think twice before sending it home to Cincinnati or (really, Katy?) "the OC." That said, it wouldn't be altogether surprising if Duke spends his time away from the Baron scouring northbynorthwestern for freshmen-produced content.

But where's the deluge of e-mails about his other students' accomplishments? Dan Fletcher's written some good stuff in the Daily, as has Emily Glazer. Here's to a non-discriminatory Duke. Teaching for the 21st century doesn't mean ignoring newspapers. Much as the Levine ideology may have completely obfuscated their importance, they're still around. And by the looks of it, video-blogging isn't shaping up as too great a replacement.

Dispatch from Medill: Lavine:Price::Duke:Baron?

"The world is our oyster," slick TV suit Hank Price told Intro to 21st Century Marketing students Friday with a twinkle in his glassy eyes.

Price, while reportedly no match for Steve Duke boytoy Ed Baron in bed, had quite a twinkle to his smooth speech. Decked out in head-to-toe black, he seemed to offer a Faustian bargain to his intrepid audience of young journalists: Adapt with the rest of the media and become adept across many platforms or you won't have a job.

Soon thereafter, however, he seemed to veer into the Lavinespeak students have been saturated with for weeks. "In the future," he said, "everyone's going to be a content producer or content seller."

He then proceeded to gush about the "ambitious" plans Lavine has layed out, saying that "Lavine is doing something for Medill that no other journalism school in the country is yet doing."

Price may yet be the Rachel to Lavine's Ross, or, if you will, the Baron to Lavine's Duke.

But reports were that Lavine's interest in Price was solely to ensure that parents, many of whom visited the class due to concurrent scheduling with Family Weekend, were not treated to another love-in between the Duke and the Baron that might jeopardize the Dean's monopoly on the future of journalism (or at least 180 kids' parents' $45k/year.)

The situation underscored the tension between Lavine and Duke for control of the new-fangled class. Though the Dean helmed its development and sees the class of 2010 as his group of highly-educated lab rats, Duke was given the reins while Lavine sat in the back of the Fisk lecture hall. Today, however, marked the first time one of his proxies has directly stepped in to right the ship.

Duke, left listless by the students' captivation with Price, wandered the aisles like a bald Vanna White, handing out mikes to students with questions.

A key indicator of who wins the battle for control of the class may be which guest speaker's words worm their way into the all multiple-choice midterm next week.

Price, whose return remains up in the air, left the freshmen amiably, saying "usually they don't let me talk to undergraduates because you have your whole careers ahead of you."

Anything to avoid another in-class reacharound sesh, we guess.

Solo act: Guest-speaker-free and apologetic, Duke incites "fear and fright"... or boredom.

"You can't please all the people all the time," as Duke's recent grammatical gaffe demonstrated. Too bad he killed the truth-ridden cliche by using it three times in the opening moments of class. Better luck next time, buddy. Held hostage on a glorious Friday afternoon, Professor Duke's 21st Century Media class snoozed through a 30-minute tangent of a curiously high school nature, masquerading as "housekeeping." The highlight of the delay to Duke's first solo venture this quarter? An apology for the "your/you're" mishap. Or perhaps it was his finest analogy of the laborious two hours (but thankfully not three), involving a news spigot and journalistic bucket. At least the man has some imagination...

Covert texting and Star magazine consumption (brownie points if you can do both simultaneously) weren't really viable options during today's lecture as the Duke hovered, strolled, patrolled, and wove his way around the entire perimeter of Fisk 217. You'd think he was an anxious first-time student teacher corralling a bunch of rambunctious badasses or something. Speaking of being badass, the solo-reigning prof did manage to infuse some legit, sobering docu-journalism into the second segment of his schtick. The half-hour piece created by Medill seniors chronicled Chitown Housing Authority's controversial revamping of the notoriously ghetto South Side Cabrini-Green projects. C'mon now; that place is seriously fascinating. Not to mention seriously hood. Duke may well have inspired a couple repenting do-gooders after viewing "This Is Change." If only more of his lectures fixated on genuine journalism like that. Granted, the repartee between Duke and his marketing-minded guests of honor have a charm all their own.

Murdoch legal team crashes Duke/Baron sleepover

As if student outcry weren't enough cause for Intro to 21st Century Marketing lecturer Steve Duke to fix the grammatical errors his 9/29 PowerPoint was rife with, a legal team from conservative media mogul Rupert Murdoch swooped in Sunday to force rectification of the errors. Duke related last Friday the story of a young Murdoch shopping his newest property, The New York Post, to potential advertisers, including Macy's. A sales rep there reportedly told him way back in 1971 that "Your readers are our shoplifters." Duke's slide, however, read "You're readers," and his words were drowned out by the simulcast voices of ten students reading the slide as it were.

The errors didn't escape the tentacles of Murdoch's vast organization, and now the mistake has been corrected. "We didn't really care about this crap between him and the Baron," a rep for Murdoch writes. "If he didn't correct this, thought, we'd have had to sic Billy on him," he said, referring to Fox News attack dog Bill O'Reilly. Word is Duke really feared that he himself might become Page Six slam material if he did not comply with the legal crew's grammarian's requests, as the group found him and 9/29 guest speaker Ed Baron shacked up Sunday in what a Medill rep referred to as a "holistic retreat where the two mulled future media integration, Nielsen ratings and an ad buyout of High Times." But reports indicate it was more like a reacharound sleepover. Murdoch's team nonetheless rolled Duke out of his four-poster early Sunday to force corrections to the material and a midday posting that all but the most hard-working students were bound to overlook. "Look," the Murdoch rep said with a wink, "it's a sticky situation, but Rupert prefers his history to be, at the very least, properly punctuated."

The Duke and the Baron

Despite the cackles of gleeful freshmen eager to bestow a Medill F on their instructor, Intro to 21st Century Media lecturer Stephen Duke seems uneager to rectify the mistakes in the typo-ridden PowerPoint he forced his 180-strong class to toil through for 45 minutes Friday. The class’ Blackboard homepage, which features a low-res artist’s interpretation of Duke-as-Borg, remains devoid of an edited version of the PowerPoint though last week’s has long since been posted. It remains unclear if Duke is merely being obstinate or is overlooking the glaring errors due to his hapless love for guest speaker Ed Baron, with whom he traded inside jokes and lustful leers throughout the extra-long Q&A session which began Friday’s class. A starry-eyed Duke then tried to pick up where the Baron left off, only to find his poorly paraphrased summaries of the week’s reading so befuddled students that he fell back on the text’s own anecdotes. Unfortunately the Duke’s understanding of the economics of golden geese was no better than Veruca Salt’s, and he abruptly ended his presentation to scattered applause from an audience too tuned out to notice the gesture.