TODAY IN MEDIA OUTLETS YOU SHOULD NOT READThe chemicals between us.

There is another blog about Northwestern out there. The brainchild of a sex-starved Asian girl who went to Harvard, spread her ladyparts and never looked back, it is being not read by college students across the country. From time to time, we point out the differences between us.

What the fuck is going on over at OTR headquarters? They posted four times this morning, which is more than all of this week combined. Is Lena Chen cracking the whip? Why is pretty much every one written by 'wearyourshaydes'? Does anyone read this thing? Does anyone know?

THIS IS WARThe Passion of the GossipDesk

Last week, while i was on something of a bender-cum-birthday vaca, the anonymous geniuses (specifically one blogger with the handle, twothirty) decided to fight our criticism of their shitty investor-backed blog, CollegeOTR, by attacking all that is holy about gossip desk.

"The blog's creator and primary poster would be best advised to wait on calling out others' 'mediocre copy' until he starts mandating sparkling prose on his own pages," the man behind the mask writes. "The writing verges dangerously away from irreverent snark into bitchy, desperate queen territory. Saddest of all, it's not even so-bad-it's-good, Center Stage-style funny."

OK, I like criticism as much as the next person. Even thoughtful criticism proving that Kassner can't write for shit. But the funny part about all this is that... wait for it... the editor of Northwestern OTR has been recruiting the two of us to write for her precious little blog -- and get $500 dollars a quarter to do so. We said "No," but here's how it went down:

Approximately two weeks ago, I get an e-mail from Lena Chen (pictured), a Harvard student who's in charge of this whole Big Brother college blogosphere: "After coming across your blog, I'd like to offer you and your co-author positions on the campus editorial team for NorthwesternOTR.com, no formal application process required," she drooled.

So yeah, Lena loves us. Whatever. We said "No," and she finally got back to me this weekend with the following e-mail:

Sorry to hear that but good luck with Gossip Desk! If you're trying to promote, we're looking into syndicating student blogs on our website as well. Let me know if that's something you're interested in.

I think we're going to pass on that offer, honeycakes, seeing as your writers have already taken it upon themselves to jab the knife in our hearts and increase our traffic at the same time (thanks twothirty!). But doesn't anyone else find it oddly curious that a blogger can be trashing our blog and telling us we can't write while his boss is trying to recruit us? What horror! What inconsistency! What shoddy office politics!

Honestly, I really don't care about all that. I'm only bringing this up because it hits even closer to home. In his post about Gossipdesk, the blogger writes, "The two gentlemen running the place might want to step away from the mutual masturbation and shape things up before job-hunting season."

The truth is, I'm never going to use this blog to get a job. And even further, I don't really need to be masturbatory, twothirty, because you're already blogging about me.

Dear readers, here's a contest: Find out who this punk blogger is (what's the fun in being anonymous, anyway?). Whoever it is creepily remembers what I wore to Fling at the Field freshman year, and obviously doesn't remember that I own sand, not chestnut, Uggs.

All guesses and crucifixions should go in the comment section. Let the witchhunt begin!

WEEK IN REVIEWSo much mediocre copy, so little time.

• We had a birthday.
• We suffered through the Daily's freshman guide. Twice.
• We found out Delt is dead.
• We discovered H.M.S. Medill is taking on water.
• We kinda read this OTR blog.
• We wrote something really long about transgender people and what, exactly?

Join us next week for the real reason Delt died, why dildos couldn't get us to join OTR and the latest on His Majesty Dean John Lavine's plan to mindrape us all.

TODAY IN MEDIA OUTLETS YOU SHOULD NOT READUs vs. them: Sex advice for the social awkward.

There is a blog out there about Northwestern and it is not this one! It is the home of "Northwestern's best bloggers." There was a contest, or something? Anyways, that's sort of like saying Pinkberry's all-natural, you know? So, from time to time, we try to discern differences between them and us.

There's a reason such subjects are verboten around here. One is our readers are not so socially awkward. (You're assholes! We know.) Secondly, if I were to post about how to get laid if you're socially awkward, it would read like this:

Masturbation is normal!

Over in the hinterlands, they've got some other suggestions. Let's abbreviate, shall we?

Guys should take classes in sesp! Girls should take guys out on dates! Join a campus activist group! (Ed.'s note: What is this, Sarah Lawrence?) Meet people from other colleges! Try Craigslist!

Ok. PSA, people. Do not look for sex on Craigslist. That's how people like Willie the Wildcat, Northwestern's finest blogger, and author of this post, are born.

Even the socially awkward can get laid [CollegeOTR]

TODAY IN MEDIA OUTLETS YOU SHOULD NOT READCollege OTR and the inevitable BYOB piece

There will come a time for the full story of how Dickson and I were enticed with a line of dildos in bespoke flavors and colors to write for CollegeOTR, the nationwide "on the record" college blog. [Ed.'s note: A gossipdesk-flavored phallus? Um, tasty?] For now, it is time to chronicle another media empire crumbling before its time.

Stop with the comparisons. Whatever passing resemblance we have to this upstart is moot. First it was making fun of freshmen facebook photos, which omg omg omg we would never do. But festooning your posts with retarded art to spice up your shitty copy? New lows, people, new lows.

So. The piece in question was penned, anonymously, by "willie el gato silvestre," which means Willie the Wildcat in Spanish. While some would write off any iota of his integrity and confidence from that alias alone, I will press on.


Which are Willie the Wildcats' favorite BYOBs? Let's guess, shall we? Could it be... yes! Cozy Noodles takes spot #1. What with such trailblazing penmanship Willie, I think I'll be reading CollegeOTR every day.

Moving on. #2 is Olive Mountain, which besides being, by all accounts, rather overpriced and mediocre, is allegedly a Northwestern professor's hangout. I wouldn't know, and I wouldn't want to drink around them.

Then things really fall off the precipice of retardation. In a struggle to fill out even this rather brief post, our Wildcat includes at #5 Green Tea. A gobbet:

"This is a sushi restaurant I haven't gotten to check out yet but I'm putting it on the list since I've been told they have the best sushi in Chicago."

And you thought this was about BYOBs! Silly reader, sushi is alcoholic. Wait, what?

5 Hip Places to BYOB [CollegeOTR]