SEX FOR ADSOh, the freshman guide. Let's take this one awkward thrust at a time, people.

Once a year, as the sweltering heat of August fades into the crisp days of September, a group of young journalists sell their souls to Evanston retail and restaurants. They do this in an effort to support a year's worth of the triumphant, the boring, The Daily Northwestern. But before they can slave away for $200 a quarter and a couple of clips, they need some capital. Thus, today (ok, yesterday) this year's freshman guide was unloaded upon an unsuspecting public.

So, who are this year's biggest whores? Well, I'll let freshmen guide editor Emmet Sullivan's listserv e-mails tell you:

Thank you to everyone who took a story for it, especially those at the last minute. I think Philip Rossman-Reich, Emily Glazer and Laura Olson deserve a lot of credit for taking multiple big stories.

Ok, we'll get to those prostitutes later. As mentioned, we'll be taking this one painful thrust of meaninglessness at a time.

So, first up. The Titan of the freshman guide himself wrote this year's North vs. South "debate" piece. Yawn yawn yawn, but let's check it out anyway, mmm?

Basically he hands the story off to alleged experts Deena Bustillo (that's her!) and Alice Truong, who besides being Daily staffers (the ethics, Emmet, the ethics!) are really so south at heart. Which would account for the bizarre things they have to say. A sampler:

What kind of people live on your part of campus?
AT: I bet my South Campus could beat up your North Campus. You see, only the most absolutely coolest kids belong to the exclusive club of South Campus living.

Right. I guess that's a sarcastic tone? Yeah, I'm not really sure either. So, what's north campus like?

DB: North campus is filled with those who enjoy frats, 20-minute walks to class, Lisa's Café and sitting around Bobb lounges. There's always something going on at all of the above, and if there's not, then you just walk across the parking lot to SPAC-which makes you feel better about all of your questionable life choices.

SPAC? Life choices? This, friends, is what happens when journalists try their hands, etc. at the world's oldest profession. It's messy, and it doesn't make much sense. Join me tomorrow for more.

North vs. South campus: the great debate [The Daily Northwestern]