FROM A TO XXXSex, Drugs... no Rock'n'Roll

A Sinderbrand, or Alexandra, or whatever, was Northwestern famous for a certain sorority overshare; a documentary where she spilled the secrets of Tri-Delta's rush process. It was delightful and deranged all at once (and can definitely be found on the internets). She was also a sex columnist over at nucomment.com, but nothing can really compare to telling hundreds of freshmen girls a week before rush that they're not attractive, wealthy, interesting or, um, attractive enough to join the ranks of NU's elite. The truth hurts, don't it?

Well, she's at it again. This time, divulging the dirty (and delightful and deranged) truth about losing her v-card. I could go on and on about this (what will her parents think? what will "Shane" think?), but really, let's just cut to the excerpts for all of you reeling from the weekend and too horny to be at your precious internships:

Here, we learn the extracurriculars that got A into NU:

We found ourselves up against the walls in empty classrooms, on floors, in the grass, rolling around with our hands down each other’s pants. But Shane seemed to like me for reasons outside of my ability to give a decent hand-job. Shane read my articles in the school paper. Shane nodded and smiled at me as he headed toward the locker room at halftime. Shane came to my a cappella shows and set off the standing ovations

Here, we learn about the prep-school importance of fitness and safe sex:

When he pulled off his shirt, I realized we’d never seen each other naked. He was length and leanness peppered with ripped limbs and an eight-pack. Only a thin hemp necklace, left over from the summer, broke the line of his buttery torso. I’m pretty sure I drooled. We were grinding against each other, me in a thong, him in boxer-briefs, when he pulled away and looked at me. The look was the question. “Do you have a condom?” was all I could muster. He said yes and smiled, but it wasn’t a boyish, psyched smirk of anticipation. His voice was shaky when he asked me if I was sure.

Here, a gratuitously hot excerpt:

The sex that followed was simultaneously the most painful and the most romantic experience I’ve ever had. Shane was huge and hard, but his gentleness suggested that he was constantly aware of what I was feeling. He took my virginity in slow, soft thrusts, kissing me in between his low moans. My complete awe and adoration for him shut down my pain-receptors. He didn’t roll off of me after he came. He held me and smiled. I think I knew that night that I’d never fully get over him.

That climax, above, is the climax of her article. After that (spoiler alert!), Shane cheats, A goes on about the double-edged sword of having the perfect first time and manages to turn her lit-porn into a tirade on cheating that makes us at GossipDesk feel guilty.

Still an incredible read though. Medill does teach people to write, after all