KILLING THEM SOFTLY Execution four ways.

To their credit, Northwestern administrators do cook up some creative ways to shed us of our bothersome Greek system. When it's not outright removal from campus (seriously, we're getting to it. ok, maybe), it's something like last Friday's e-mail from Bill Banis and the UPD chief about "safety and security."

So. Remember those dorm side door restrictions everyone bitched about last year? Yeah, and how all the freshmen were like, Oh, we'll be living in frat houses so who cares? Well, dare to dream, kids. I quoteth Mr. Banis himself:

Effective immediately, locking all fraternity and sorority secondary doors (side doors, fire escapes) and the main entrance to each house 24 hours a day. Of course, locking these doors should not prohibit students from getting out these doors in an emergency. In the future, these doors will be alarmed, in other words, an alarm will sound if the door is opened. Propping doors open is strictly prohibited.

Hmm. So they'll be locked, but not alarmed. For the time being, at least. Could be worse, right? Oh, it goes on.

Turns out the University wants Bill Banis to bounce at all those hopping SAE parties you were too cool to go to:

Installing closed-circuit television cameras at main entrances of all of fraternity and sorority houses. The cameras should help deter unauthorized entry and hopefully also reduce incidents of students permitting others to follow them into the houses after the student has unlocked the door. The planning for the design and installation of the cameras system has begun and it is expected that cameras will begin to be installed this summer and will be completed during Fall quarter.

And that's happening when? Oh, you didn't read that last sentence? We do edit around here from time to time.

Finally, there are some no-nonsense moves that should really dampen Greek life, at least up north. Everyone's getting fobs, those little electronic keychains that make that satisfying noise. More cops are going to be around. And alcohol patrols will be conducted by police officers, not IFC and/or Panhel staff.

So. Welcome back to Evanston. Deathwatch, anyone? Your super fun predictions of when Northwestern's Greek life will be totally irrelevant in the comments, please.