SEX FOR ADSEnjoy this totally biased and worthless article about rush!

Every August, as eager freshmen await the chance to imbibe massive quantities of Skol and Natty Ice like their semester-school friends, The Daily Northwestern bombards them with an ad-soaked mountain of p.r. called, ominously, "The Freshman Guide." Here we will review this p.r., and try our hands at truth.

I do not know Alex Apatoff, who wrote the "Guide to Going Greek." Will someone who does please hit her?

If one were to write a Wikipedia entry on the Northwestern Greek system and give every sorority president a line-item veto on objectionable content, it would look like this article. But that's what happens when you assign someone in Greek life an article on it. Ethics, Emmet! Ethics!

Let me tell you something about Greek life at Northwestern. It is not la-tee-da, or whatever. But Alex went to New Trier, and she's in Alpha Phi, a middle-of-the-road sorority — that's her at the house on the right (do remember to take that one down for "recruitment," babydoll) — so she knows the rub. (Though she def gets points for listing "The First Church of Dina Lohan" as her religion on fb. Penguins, though? Ok.)

Whatever. What insights, if any, do we get?

Formal recruitment for Panhel chapters consists of standing in lines in cold weather and making small talk with sorority women for five days straight. On the positive side, you are guaranteed to see at least one streaker, which is as much of a Northwestern must-see as Dance Marathon.

You'll know you're grasping at straws when you're using streakers for spin. And fraternities, what are those like?

It's also of note that NU fraternities, try as they might, are not like "Animal House." They will invite you to their dance parties, and often these dance parties will have themes, DJs and Solo cups galore. It's a great way to spend New Student Week, especially if you brought some fratty pink polos to indicate to the older brothers that you are a new freshman, ready to be rushed.

Except during New Student Week aren't they not supposed to go in houses? Oops! I guess the truth does seep out from time to time.

Shame on you, Alex. Are monogrammed flip-flops and air kisses so worth the pain of writing this drivel? Yeah, hon, we do it for the sisterhood too.

Guide to going Greek [The Daily Northwestern]