Pretty tight-lipped for girls who want to share their ladyparts' travels with us all fall quarter, no? Perhaps they are loose with their friending habits?
Instead, let's consider for a moment the altogether fascinating history of the PLAY sex column. (PLAY, for those of you who will be rushing when "Beer" is provided, is the Daily Northwestern's "culture" section, which appears from time to time... fine, Thursdays.)
In spring there was Allie Markowitz (pictured below, posing for her Maxim cover shoot)! Actually, she regaled us with stories about her not having sex in winter and fall, too. In fact, Allie's not-sex was a weekly staple of PLAY. Really made things a must-read.
Occasionally, we heard about a boyfriend:
"I used to mumble "oh, suck my dick" under my breath. My boyfriend gently told me that I shouldn't say that, as it's creepy and crude and I don't actually have a weenie." (5/17/07)Yeah, but did they fuck? Read 4,000 words of sex columns, and the answer? Unknown! So what did she write about? Mmm. Onwards.
"All I talked about in the month before the big 1-8 was how super cool it would be that now I could get [cigarettes]. Why did I make such a fuss over this? To secretly hide how mother-effing excited I was to go to sex stores!" (5/10/07)Yes, yes. What follows is what you might expect: Words where there should be pictures.
Amid all this meaningless labia, however, is a more introspective column. One in which Allie realizes, "People might wonder what qualifies me to write this column." Yes. Yes indeed! A few of her answers:
1. "I look at the clouds. And I see penises."No, that last one isn't really a justification but it sooooooo sums up her tenure as PLAY's resident sexpert. And you know what? It may not be entirely wrong for Northwestern's sex columnist to never have sex! Mmm, what do you think?
2. She thinks human vocal cords look like "outrageous vaginas."
3. "Now, what does this column have to do with sex? Absolutely nothing."
A final quote: "But I make no statements about my virginity. My mommy reads this."
A final question: You read all the way to the bottom! Based on a preponderance of the evidence, is Allie Markowitz a virgin? Comment away.
2 comments:
Allie Markowitz has lots of sex. Lots of hot kinky sex. If only she had written about it.
How would seeing the PLAY sex columnists' facebook profiles have anything to do with their writing? Also, why would you write these comments in summer when they hadn't even started writing columns yet? Nothing better to do with your time?
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