THE INAUGURAL Someone's found the cure for summer photos! Automatic detag

For some, especially Northwestern students, the urge to place every last iota of one's life online is troubling. Consider this a panacea. Ready, everyone? It's red states lose, end of summer edition!

Official caption: "sandys hair makes me look like i have caveman arms ahahhahahah."
Unofficial caption: Um, animal services?

Official caption: We ate all of it. And Kelly is on crack.
Unofficial caption: (Note: this is from the second of two 60-photo albums chronicling, in minute and really rather silly detail, a trip to San Francisco) Yes, you did. Yes, you are.

Official caption: (none)
Unofficial caption: Ah, yes. The obligatory let's-all-do-our-best-to-look-cute-in-this-terrible-lighting shot. The real story here is in the comments. The one with the leggings apparently detagged herself, writing "why do i look like a lost chipmunk in this picture?" To which the one on the left wrote, "you are so obsessed with the dumbest details in every pic that you'd untag that!!!!!?!?" And oh it goes on.

Official caption: automatic detag
Unofficial caption: Ooh that's good.

SUPER FUN GAMES BECAUSE WE TOTALLY LOVE YOUWe post, you caption.

Hmm. Warming filter much, Ally Tawil? Well. This is a fun new little feature. Here's how it works. We post it, you caption it.

Here, I'll go first.

Yeah, these noses aren't going anywhere.

ANNALS OF RETARDATIONFacebook groups you should...reconsider.

Welcome to our new Saturday feature! It's about Facebook. You know it. You were there for like three hours today! Sometimes you get a pesky invite to join a "group." You should really think twice about these invitations! This column is all about people who don't.

Moving on. Some people have deigned to join "I can't wait until Arielle is on the radio!!" This is a mistake. Arielle Ramos, formerly of the Northwestern class of 2009, left last winter to pursue a boob job music career. So far, she has not been on commercial radio. And she will not be on commercial radio! She will not be on indie radio. In fact, she will not grace any media at all, which is really saying something these days.

And the whole thing is kind of funny, because for all her pop-star aspirations, her #1 Google hit remains the Communications Dean's List doc from her freshman year. That's right, everyone. Arielle Ramos was once a straight A student.

The point here is this: Stay in school, children! And think before you join! And see us next Saturday, for another installment of wtf were you thinking?

Arielle Ramos [MySpace]

THE FRESHMEN"Got Beer?...I'll Rush!"? Seriously, what is up with these freshmen?

What is this "Beer"? Who is this Trevor Barton, self-appointed master of "Keg Duty"? Does this business about the incoming class being, like, way smarter than the rest of us not apply to the rules of capitalization? More importantly, is Mary Desler aware that 57 underage students are about to gate-crash her serene, alcohol-free campus?

So many questions, so few answers.

Make what you will of the group's wall:

1. "Oh also, people from evanston will have some connections to get alcohol... so everyone search for the natives, lol" —Keg Duty master Trevor Barton
2. "there's always the ghetto -- its pretty easy to get alcohol without an id there" —Brenna McLean (Ed.'s note: Seriously? McLean?)
   

Yes, the ghetto is a great place to buy alcohol, but really, what are these "connections to alcohol" the people of Evanston have? Is this like, prohibition? You know what? I know what to do. "Search for the natives, lol."

Jesus.

Daily roundup: poking unleashed, pep unfulfilled and sleep unimaginable

Tuesday's apertifs:

• Behold the secrets of the poke.

• Get ready for the 47º water balloon fight. And we wonder why homecoming events routinely fail to attract attendees.

• Shocker: NU students find themselves sleep deprived.

• We're not just going organic. We're Go Go-ing organic.

• This week in Alec Davis: Evanston's the only town in America not to go for college football. That's nice, Alec, I'm just looking forward to the day we're washing dishes together in Kowloon.