TODAY IN MEDIA OUTLETS YOU SHOULD NOT READ Tomorrow's NBN rehash today

Thanks to the marvels of modern RSS, we can all see what's fermenting under the surface at Northbynorthwestern. Tom Giratikanon, your feeds are all screwy!

Expect forthcoming articles on "hooking up," long-distance something (relationships? ooh, a pair!) and a Dance Marathon blog. That's right, everyone. One outlet covering Evanston's most annoying philanthropy was simply not enough.

Harumph. Also, do expect groundbreaking reporting on these topics! In case you missed today's cauldron of swell stories, here's a recap:

• Freshmen moved in to dorms!
• Advice for said freshmen! "Sleep whenever you can." "Go to football games." Not that those don't jibe.
• And, of course, Patrick St. Michel (I also wonder how I allow myself to type that) still thinks he's Ryan Schreiber. Actually, he wrote all of this. Short on staff, anyone?

Yes, well. Behold the future of media! Lord help us all.

JUST LIKE LARRY CRAIGNewer, Darker Willie the Wildcat

Three cheers to North By Northwestern for breaking the news that Willie the Wildcat has received quite the makeover.

Personally, we're a bit confused over here at gossipdesk. His fur is darker and his eyes are lacking in color, saying goodbye to that drunken glint that once rested in them. He's missing that endearing gap-toothed smile, which has been replaced by an impossibly human set of teeth (cosmetic surgery?). His eyebrows have been shaved. Also, what's with the plumage protruding from his face? C'mon, this is worse than Osama bin Laden's newly dyed beard!

Given all these changes (which maybe reflect the newer, darker, post 9/11 world, blah blah blah), I'd stay away from airports if I were Willie the Wildcat. Good luck getting through security with this look...

And oh yeah, go cats!

ANNALS OF RETARDATIONBizarre logic: Bridge collapse < Kevin Garnett?

Your honeymoon from NorthbyNorthwestern is over.

With a dispatch from the front lines of the Minneapolis bridge collapse, Josh Weinstock writes to inform us that other things are dealing "great blows to the North Star State." Heavens no!

What, pray tell, could so worsen an already terrible week for Minnesotans? Why, Kevin Garnett was traded to the Boston Celtics! And the Twins. "To add insult to injury," (nice cliche choice, Josh!) the beloved Twins are "mired in chaos and discontent." Were that baseball was always such a Euripedes play, and I might actually attend from time to time.

Remember headlines like, "Yeah, 9/11 sucked, but how about them Yankees!"? Yeah, that's what I thought.
[NorthbyNorthwestern]